Sunday, 20 April 2014

The Note Book

I once had a girlfriend who loved all the things I wrote about her in my note book: crazy stories about her eyes, her breasts and what not.

Six months into our relationship we were arguing all the time and in the end she left me... for my note book.

Saturday, 12 April 2014

First Contact

In the distant future near the Gliese star system an earth ship will encounter a vessel from the alien civilisation known as the Farg.

Following this first contact it will became painfully clear that the two species possess radically divergent systems of logic and mathematics that cause each such epistemological headaches and doubts they eventually bilaterally pretend their meeting never happened.

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Market Forces

The Happiness Shop was very large and situated on a busy high street. It had big florescent signs in it's window promising outrageous amounts of happiness and always had sizeable crowds outside.

Hidden down a nearby back street was the much smaller Truth Shop. Looking through it's dusty little window it was hard to make out exactly what was inside or if it was open or closed. The truth shop's only customers were vagabonds, poets or the clinically insane and the young man that worked there was seriously considering another line of work.

Sunday, 30 March 2014

If God was Real

If God was real after the news a priest would come on and say things like "Tomorrow God will start off ambivalent, becoming more vengeful as the afternoon progresses."

And we would wear crosses the way we carry umbrellas.

Sunday, 23 March 2014

Nature Lover

Outside my window the neighbouring trees infidecimally slowly fight it out to the death.

Sunday, 16 March 2014

The Collapsable Cathedral

The new Cathedral had been designed rather like a concertina so that it's Bishop could count how many people were waiting outside and with a turn of a dial expand or contract the cathedral's vaulted ceiling and walls accordingly. 

During periods of great national crisis (war, famine and disease) the dial was turned up as far as it would go and the Cathedral took up an entire block but most of the time the house of God with it's gargoyles, flying buttresses and holy relics was folded out of the way between Pound land and Tesco Metro.

Sunday, 9 March 2014

The Misunderstanding

While waiting for the traffic lights to change the man tied his shoe lace and the woman he was with said yes.