Sympathy

The tutor heard the story of lament and looked concerned. He opened a drawer of his desk, took out a sympathetic ear and offered it to the poor student who, wiping tears from her eyes, declined explaining that she had already eaten.

AK47

The wealthiest arms dealer in the world, who normally started three civil wars before breakfast, had a special bathtub made just for himself; it was solid gold and had the plug hole in the centre.

One sunday afternoon, as one hundred and three armed conflicts around the world were going on, the wealthiest arms dealer had a bath. Somehow while having his bath, the wealthiest arms dealer in the world managed to get his penis stuck in the plug hole.

'Bonk.'

The pressure from the water was so great that the wealthiest arms dealer was trapped in his golden bathtub.

Meanwhile two governments were overthrown and three new national anthems composed.

The wealthiest arms dealer in the world shouted and shouted for help but it was sunday afternoon and his servants all had the day off.

The wealthiest arms dealer in the world lay trapped in his golden bathtub for hours and hours.


The wealthiest arms dealer in the world only got out of his golden bathtub with the plug hole in the middle by drinking all the bath water and then pissing it out.

After that the wealthiest arms dealer in the world never sold another weapon in his life.

Truism

The coiled spring lay in the corner of the room like a coiled spring.

Carbon

The girl was swimming in the lake one morning when the fire fighting plane scooped up water. The girl was dropped on the forest fire raging a few kilometres from the lake.

She didn't help.

Proof of Design

The very best argument for the existence of God I ever heard was told to me by a young baptist minister. (The sad insane look religious people have was only just beginning to come into his eyes.)

He said there had to be a God, just look at a beautiful woman's body.

Like I said it was the very best argument for the existence of God I had ever heard.

I'm still not a believer though: you see I think a beautiful woman's body is a sort of stylised question mark, so I'm agnostic.

The Kiss

Her kiss reminded me of the noise my gas fire used to make when I was at college. Back in my student days the winters were very cold.
I used to kiss girls to keep warm.

The Playground

Next to the thin line was a slippery slope and a grey area.