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Thinking is just whispering very, very quietly.

A future controversy

In the distant future artificially intelligent theologians will debate whether we humans had souls.

 

Self Consciousness

Perhaps self consciousness is not so much a miracle as an aberrance. 

Solution to the Problem of Evil:

God is all good and all powerful just terribly organised.

Scepticism

Worse than being just a brain in a vat it's entirely possible you are in fact nothing more than a vat in a brain.

Induction

Were the universe to run backwards philosophers would discuss if the past will be like the future.

The beautiful lie

One dark and deserted night I passed a blind woman and her guide dog.
"Beautiful day" the blind woman said.
"Yes," I agreed, after a moments thought.

Religious Sentiment

Perhaps it is not unreasonable to suppose that everything in the Universe is, at least roughly, where and how it is meant to be.

On the distant planet Pangaloo

On the distant planet Pangaloo live aliens who have no understanding of our concept art yet nonetheless paint the most beautiful pictures.

Experience

The experience of experience is an experience worth experiencing in my experience.

The Genius

At night and sometimes even in the middle of the day I have these amazing, original thoughts but I always forget them before I've written them down.

Predetermination

Were a single leaf to rustle differently, even in the very slightest of ways, this would not be our universe. 

Logic

Either God is mad or he doesn't exist or both.

Remark on Colour

Do people blind from birth ever secretly suspect that all our talk of colour is nothing but an elaborate lie? 

The Botanist

Truth is less a book more a dazzling plant festooned with poisoned barbs.  

Design Argument

Were the universe meant to make sense it would quickly disappear in a puff of logic.

Therefore the universe is not meant to make sense.

Entertainment

Churches are like theatres: while I never go into them it's reassuring, I guess, to know they are there. 

The Alcoholic

It has to be said that she was a very considerate drunk at dinner parties always managing to throw up into her own wine glass.

Closed Minded

The great medieval doors had been ingeniously designed so that they could only be opened from the outside; once inside the church it was quite impossible to ever leave.

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Masturbation: a cheap thrill made at the expense of 1.2 Billions of years of evolution.

Reflection

Art is nothing but lightwaves reflecting into the eyeballs of primates.

The Uncertainty Principle

A week after they had come up with the concept of Quantum Teleportation, Einstein, Podolsky and Rosen met up once again but on this occasion nothing at all sprang to their prodigious scientific minds and so at 8 o'clock they went home. 

Towards a Pessimistic Theory of Art

Our perceptions of the world are, in the last analysis, pains.

And what we regard as beautiful are simply those experiences which hurt us the least.

  

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Is an oranagatang conscious enough to collapse a wave function?

Family Folklore

Our Family photo album only goes back as far as our grandparents. After them it is just blank pages. Grandma and Grandpa were necessary beings, each containing their very own reason for being. They had met at a necessary being convention and were in the papers for a while back in the 40s before people lost interest.

The Beauty of Life

'Can you see the amazing rainbow?'
'The dead twin foetus growing out of my forehead is blocking my view; wait while I swing it out of the way.'

The Holy Bore

''I knew that was going to happen' says God all the time.

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Life is not necessarily meaningless just beyond words.

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The lectures on Free Will were not compulsory.  

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Sometimes even familiar, even cherished words shed their meaning and stand revealed in all their beautiful nonsensicalness.

Dialetics

Anything that has an opposite is not real.

Logic

When the boy and girl arrived late together to their logic lecture everyone reached the same conclusion.

Grammar of Life

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A Verb."

Detention

The philosophy students who failed to do their homework had to write 'I think therefore I am' a hundred times.

Words

Words are only words in the loosest sense of the word.

Eternal Life

And when the last ripples of energy upon the surface of Spacetime have faded and everything is still; our loves and wishes and deeds, encoded in the long dark unconscious memory of the cosmos, will still have been.

Schrödinger's Notebook

By reading this you collapse the fictional wave function into a single sentence. 

The Man

Each morning he put on a new brave face until the day all the faces made him so top heavy he fell head first into the road and was quite unable to get up. There he remained, putting a new brave face on the back of his head each morning and making self deprecating mumblings to those who passed by.