Yesterday

Does God keep a copy of each day that has been on his hard drive?

Free Will and Determinism

Every decision you have ever made you are still making.

Theology

'God' is a plastic bag stuck in a tree.

Message in a Bottle

"Send piece of paper and an empty bottle."

Silence

When scientists invented earphones that let the wearer only hear the truth, people assumed they didn't work and threw them away. 

Sarcasm

In a parallel universe where time flows backwards people joke "I ain't getting any older."

Handle with Care

All of life's knocks and mishaps are softened by the bubblewrap of time.