Saturday, 26 May 2012

Made in Italy

There is a convent school next to Parliament Hill Fields in London; it has high white walls and hundreds of kites are marooned in its trees. 

In the middle of the convent school there is a beautiful garden reserved for the nuns only. In the middle of the garden there is a shed. Inside the shed is a machine shipped over from Italy when the convert was built. 

The machine hums day and night and makes faith. When you walk past the convert school you can smell it. It smells a bit like almonds.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

The Dictionary

He went around with a dictionary under his arm and whenever he wanted to say something he would find the words in his dictionary and point at them with his skinny little finger but nobody could be bothered to wait for him to find the words in his dictionary that he wanted to point at.

Saturday, 12 May 2012


Neil Armstrong never left the moon.

He's lying in the Bay of Tranquility face down, dead of course.
His body doesn't rot much.

What happened was this: Neil Armstrong landed the Eagle as everyone was told but then on that historic moon walk things got too much for him. 

Sure he said one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind but he didn't stop there. Neil Armstrong just bounced off saying as he did so how that was another giant leap for mankind and another and another.

About half a kilometre from the landing site Neil Armstrong started to say some pretty weird things about America, his wife, the UN and God. He said there was a multinational company back on Earth that was slowly making everything smaller but no one had noticed. He told everyone to go and measure their cereal packets. After that he said things nobody understood.

Eventually he ran out of oxygen. His last words were not recorded.

Saturday, 5 May 2012

The Bug

Once an insect climbed onto the book I was reading. It was the size of the letter i.
I watched it cross the page and then carried on reading. I forgot about the insect. Two pages later it reappeared. I wasn't enjoying the book. I watched the insect as again it crossed the page. 
I had the silly idea that perhaps it was trying to communicate with me. What if, I thought, every word it walks over is part of a message it is trying to send me?
I watched the insect's route carefully and read aloud each word that it passed over: "to, were, were, in, outside, come, indications, were, of, relative, remained, friar, intending, saw, that, off, have, arrived, I, some, the, behind, none"
Annoyed I squashed the insect with my thumb and went back to reading.

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