Sunday, 29 September 2013

Deja vu

'Bless you.'

'Bless you.'

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Dr Pepper the People Person

Dr Pepper was a neuro surgeon at John Hopkins Bayview Medical Center in Baltimore, Maryland one of the oldest health care institutions on the East Coast.

There was a soft drinks vending machine in one corner of Dr Pepper's office and a sign over his desk that read:

 'It's not rocket science 
 it's brain surgery!'

Dr Pepper would spend most of his day in his office explaining very carefully to his patients that they needed brain surgery in order to remove this or that tumour. 

When he had finished explaining as carefully as possible why surgery was necessary he would stand up, say "What's the worst that can happen?" and then hand his patient a soft drink before showing them the door.

Sunday, 15 September 2013

Romantic Financial Transaction

The charity bookshop sales assistant was so incredibly beautiful I would drop the book I was pretending to read whenever she looked in my general direction.

She was so beautiful you had to almost laugh -  as if God was playing some kind of practical joke.

When I had built up enough courage to go near her I took my collection of pretentious books and headed over to her till. 

She looked even more beautiful up close then she did from across the store.

As she added up my bill she commented intelligently on the books I had chosen; what did I think of Brecht's acting methods? should Nietzsche be regarded as the father of the unconscious in place of Freud? what was the cause of the breakdown of of The Liberal Alliance in 1885?

I mumbled incoherently to each of her questions and presented my sweaty credit card.

Our fingers touched briefly as she handed me the pin code reader.
Shaking I put my card in the slot but there was a problem the card hadn't been read.

'Take it out and put it in again' she suggested.

I did as requested then typed my pin code in what I hoped was a-devil-may-care manner.

Romantic music began to play on the charity shops radio as my card details were checked. 

There I was face to face with a beautiful woman as modern capitalism did it's thing.

We smiled at each other within our electronically induced silent moment. Neither of us knew what to do or where to look but it didn't in the slightest way feel awkward. This is the most romantic financial transactions of my life I suddenly realised and wanted to share this revelation with her. Just as I was about to there was a beep and the sales assistant, who was so beautiful it was some kind of a joke, informed me that my card had been rejected.

I paid with cash and left.

Saturday, 7 September 2013

Deaf Mad Florist

Tragically mishearing the voice in his head the man cut his girlfriends' heads off, wrapped them in some nice paper and gave them to a daffodil.

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