The Bug

Once an insect climbed onto the book I was reading. It was the size of the letter i.
I watched it cross the page and then carried on reading. I forgot about the insect. Two pages later it reappeared. I wasn't enjoying the book. I watched the insect as again it crossed the page. 
I had the silly idea that perhaps it was trying to communicate with me. What if, I thought, every word it walks over is part of a message it is trying to send me?
I watched the insect's route carefully and read aloud each word that it passed over: "to, were, were, in, outside, come, indications, were, of, relative, remained, friar, intending, saw, that, off, have, arrived, I, some, the, behind, none"
Annoyed I squashed the insect with my thumb and went back to reading.

Reality

We will never see reality laid bare, even as she steps from the transcendental shower - for she is wrapped in the towel of appearance.

The Details

When asked whether there would be houses in heaven, if we would still need bathrooms and what exactly everyone would do for eternity, the priest admitted he didn't know the details.

The Telepath

There was once a man who could read other people's minds. On his twenty first birthday he blew his brains out.

On the planet Zim

On the planet Zim every time a crime is committed everyone is put in jail. The first person to convince everyone else he didn't commit the crime becomes the judge.

The Friend

'He could have castrated both of us' he said sitting at my bedside.

The Toothbrush

Howard Carter's toothbrush was very worn. It had big chunks missing and its bristles splayed out in all directions. The great Egyptologist had used it to clean the thousands of talismans that festooned the remains of King Tutankhamun.


Howard Carter had terrible breath.